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Well ladies and gentlemen, it seems the time for another essay has reared it’s head, for then it to run from me. But before I get any more sidetracked with the current proceedings, this essay’s existence as well as my attention here is to answer one question: Do I agree if “On the Pleasure of Hating” is a text meant to be taken seriously. Enough with the formalities, let’s begin.
Well, I certainly didn’t think I would get to this point, and I’m not referring to writing a review, but rather feeling like having anxiety from watching a movie. Its something you never would expect to come across over you, but what the hell. It’s time for me to pull apart: Foodfight!
Now then, lets start of this review, by crunching off some numbers and stats: Foodfight Is a late 2012 computer animated movie directed by Larry Kasanoff. This movie’s general gist was It trying to be the Wreck-It Ralph of food Icons and marketing, featuring several food and grocery products such as; Mr.Clean, Mrs. Buttersworth, Twinkies, Charlie the Tuna and quite a lot more. This film was originally Intended to be released post-christmas 2003, but due to a large amount of Issues, such as Copyright, budgeting, and someone deciding to steal the film’s footage “In a act of Industrial espionage”, the film had to be several delayed to 2012. However, much of this didn’t really phase the cast of the main chracters, such as the likes of Charlie Sheen, Hilary Duff and Eva Longoria amongst others, this film sounds somewhat decent, but I assure you. This Is NOTHING to what you would expect, even with a budget of $65,00000, this film Is still a atrocious wreck. So then, with that out of the way, time to get on with Foodfight.
So then, to start this off, we begin In a place known as “Marketropolis Supermarket”. First of all, very nice name, not a tongue twister at all. However, this market Is unlike any other, as when night falls, the market transforms Into a city…? This kind of system seems to raise a lot of systems, so Is this always here? Is It In another dimension? Or It simply a act of contrived story telling? Whatever the reason, this Is were all of the stuff In this movie goes down. Now then, lets take a stab at the graphics, there really Is no way to describe them like such: The graphics are what your nightmares look like, but If they never rendered correctly. And so, we get Introduced to our main character, Dex Dogtective, voiced by Charlie Sheen (It feels really good to hear THAT voice coming out of THAT dog). So, we get Introduced to our first villain, like all villains, will only show up for one scene, and then contribute nothing to the plot, and said villain Is known as Fat “Cat” Burglar. Now now, lets get this out the way. IN WHAT WAY IS THIS MEANT TO BE A “CAT”? Is the movie SO stupid that It can’t even tell the difference between a cat and a rat? Come on know guys, It just a one letter swap! Any ways, after Dex manages to deal with this Fat “Cat”, we then get Introduced to his “Sidekick”, called Daredevil Dan, brought to you by the left over racism from Transformers 2. After we are done with Dan’s little speech, we soon learn that Dex decides to propose to his love Interest, Sunshine Goodness, and GOODNESS ME, looks like someone In the creative directors got a little too…excited when designing her, because lets be honest: Scary demon of hell. However, before Dex can ask her, she runs off to go get kidnapped, because I’m sure we can all see what’s gonna happen at this point In time. So, 6 months pass for some reason, and Dex decides to give up the “Dogtective” business, to open a club called “The Copa Banana”. Then, a sales person voiced by Christopher Lloyd (That’s how It’s spelt?) comes to the supermarket, and one question Is raised In my mind: WHAT THE HELL AM I LOOKING AT HERE? And, It seems that this “Salesman X” Is planning to bring In a new product to the supermarket called “Brand-X”. And sure enough, Brand-X begins to be brought Into the store. And so, Dex and Dan head over to “Casa De Cameo”, which the the hangout spot for some big rigs In the marketing Industry, like the California Raisins. And so, we then get Introduced to the main villain of the movie, Lady X, the version movies version of Barbie, expect somehow more lifeless. Oh, and one more thing: Every scene that has Dex In It one form In another, ends In a horrible pun. Heres some examples: “Time to banana split out of my club!” “My problems are just a hill of coffee beans…” “Let’s snap, crackle and pop out of here.” and “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a spam.” And with all of this, I can only come to one conclusion: THIS IS A FETISH FILM. From all of the sexual jokes, Sunshine Goodness, and all the outfits Lady X wears, even a Drag Queen would say Is too silly, just…FETISH FILM. Then, Dex realises along with Stereotype No.69, that Lady X seems to be marking off all of the characters. Another thing I feel I need to flag up, the most notable thing you’ll notice Is the the motion of the character arms, they just flail about everywhere, while the characters themselves have no facial expression what so ever. It reminds me of C3PO having a seizure or a spaz-attack. So then, Dex and Dan decide to get some answers from ANOTHER scary demon from hell! And they decided to give him a giant nose, and the jewish accent to really burn It In huh? And then Dex and Dan somehow travel to the real world In the supermarket, so I really guess It Is a alternate dimension or something and then… No words what so ever. And then they meet the rip-off of Count Chocula, or Captain Crunch. After this, they then rally together all of the supermarket brands, but get Intercepted by Lady X’s head of guards, sadly voiced by Tim Currian. But then, Dex comes In and starts singing…The French National Anthem. After beating them, they all rally together to fight against Lady X, and her Brand-X cronies, In what I can only describe as people falling over with bad CGI paint explosions In a repeating loop from different angles and different colours. So then, Lady X launches her “Exo-Bites”, and Dan and some others take to the skys to battle them and Lady X. While Dan and the others are busy fighting the Exo-Bites, Dex reaches Lady X’s HQ, and finds out they were behind Sunshine’s kidnapping. (Big surprise right…?) Then, Dex and Sunshine share a heart aching reunion, but there’s one problem: Sunshine might have gone blind, she never even looks Dex ONCE In the face at the scene. Afterwards, that spastic salesman enters their world somehow, and Dex and the other brands march together to take him down. And then we get the big shocking twist: The villain of the movie was the whole time…The villain of the movie. So then, we end up with a massive Catfight (Litterally) between the two main females of the movie, and so It ends up that Lady X was Is… Once again, no words. And so, we end up at the movie’s end: Dex and Sunshine get married and live happily ever after.
And you know what? I finally understand now. I now know, that there Is no other, that will be so rare, and so unique, As Foodfight. As of such, I give this movie a 10/10 for making me understand how I can never see anything worse. But It gets -10/10 In general. And so, that was Foodfight. May It rest In spagetti, and be forgotten quickly.
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